Picture this: you’re on a beautiful Hawaiian vacation when you notice a group of people paddling away from shore in search of the perfect wave. You think to yourself, “I wish I could do that, but surfing is too hard.” This is a very common misconception. Surfing is actually so easy that even a bulldog can do it.
In recent years, dogs have picked up surfing as an unlikely pastime. “Why chase after a ball when I can go kawabunga goodbye on the perfect wave?” explained local labrador retriever, Jetson.
“I just tuck inside a rip curl and all my troubles fade away,”a local Mastiff told us.
After interviewing more pups who were taking advantage of the waves, I was impressed by dogs surfing. However, I quickly learned that bulldogs, literally a non-sporting breed, were surfing as well.
I tried interviewing Spud, a four year old English Bulldog, on his experience surfing, but I could not understand a word he said through his incredibly belabored breathing. I thanked him for his time, and then he sneezed all over my arm.
If a dog bred into disaster can hang ten, then literally anyone can. While this realization has been very uplifting for people on vacation everywhere, it has sullied the reputation of many renowned surfers. “If a bulldog can surf, then I don’t really get all the hubbub around Bethany Hamilton and John John Florence,” said a tourist at La Jolla Beach, California. “Like, my bulldog can lick its butthole. Can John John Florence do that? I doubt it.”
The surfing community has begun petitioning for dogs to be banned from surfing. “It’s giving surfing a bad rap,” explained famous surfer, Carissa Moore. “People can’t know how easy surfing is.”
Despite the controversy, dogs are still partaking in America’s easiest and most accessible hobby. “No one owns the ocean,” Jetson told me in between licking his paws. “At least I don’t think so. I only know dog law, and no one owns the ocean in dog law.” I reassured him that no one owns the ocean in human law, either. At least I think?