They Had It Hard Enough: 11 Insults I Never Said Aloud About the Girls on the Color Guard

Remember the color guard aka the flag twirlers from high school? An easy target for bullying,yet anyone with a heart knew that it was just better to keep it to yourself with this bunch. Here are a few of my best:

“How about instead of twirling flags, you twirl some bitches!”

This is a play on how overall, the girls on color guard weren’t known to be getting many bitches. But they knew that. And it wouldn’t have been cool to pile on.

“Self expression is lame as shit.”

Watching this posse dance like nobody’s watching seriously made me sick! I wish I had the heart to tell them, you’re supposed to keep your true colors bottled up. Especially at this school!

“You guys make marching band kids seem cool by comparison.”

Self-explanatory; you’ve gotta be pretty lame to make the second lamest club seem regular! 

“It’s really off putting how happy and fulfilled you all look.”

These girls were always wearing their fugly uniform to school on game days, carrying their flags, laughing, smiling, and just truly enjoying themselves! It pissed us off, me most of all.

“Happy Halloween–oh wait, that’s not a costume… it’s your fugly uniform!”

Yeah, their uniforms were some of the most garish, brightly colored garments I’ve ever seen. Thank god I got to wear my signature beige and grey outfits constantly.

“She needs some milk.”

This one is a classic crowd pleaser. But it was just a bridge too far to actually say it to them. 

“Wow, you really know how to work that cape…” (said sarcastically)

Yes, the uniforms came with a CAPE. This lame ass piece of fabric would literally flap mesmerizingly in the wind in the craziest, most socially unacceptable way.

“Your coach needs to be harder on you. Y’all have so much untapped potential…”

Their coach was named Bethanny and she had a lot going on in her personal life (she was 25). As the season went on I just noticed their routines getting easier and more boring while their skills were getting better and better? Like, what the fuck?! That makes no fucking sense? 

“...And your potential’s not the only thing going untapped. Bunch of virgins.”

Would’ve loved to say this to them, but honestly, their boyfriends were always so hideous, it’s probably good that they knew those losers didn’t deserve to hit that, first-time style.

“Just wait til it gets cold out and y’all have to go back to playing the oboe. Then we’ll see how talented you are. We’ll all see.”

Yeah, they may have been absolutely shining in the spotlight and having the time of their lives during the fall season, but that was only because you can’t do marching band with a double reed instrument. 

“Hey loser, I would never do flag twirling. No matter how bad I want to.”

I always wanted to say this to them. Never had the courage.