STUDIES SHOW THAT EATING LOWER CALORIE BREAD CAN BE LINKED TO LOWER DESIRES TO LIVE
There you are, standing in the bread aisle of the grocery store, dominated by that massive wall of beige. Sourdough, whole wheat, rye…Gluten Free, High Fiber, and oh? What’s this?!
Low Calorie bread!?
Check the label. And oy ! 35 cals per slice!
Look at the price. Normal bread — $4.99; *SkinnyGurl* bread—$7.29.
Ermm, just buy it! Because you cracked the code gurl! You found the special bread, the healthy bread! And in purchasing it, you are going to live your best healthy life. Look at these other fools in the store, these pigs, these sheep–getting the high calorie bread. That’s not you. You are no pig. You are no sheep! You are a smart skinny legend, all thanks to this 35 calorie bread.
But then, boom. You get the bread. And then, boom. The bread tastes like shit. And then, boom. You now have expensive edible cardboard that you have to eat with breakfast for the rest of the week. Shocked? Nope. Not at all.
“Low calorie food is an epidemic in grocery stores” Says one really smart white lady on an Instagram reel. “It is another trend that won’t last long. From low fat, to low carb, to now low calories. All these foods are promoted for your health, but yet, they aren't necessarily good for you.”
This Instagram lady will then explain how modified health foods, aka low fat/low cal, are extremely processed. Whatever ingredients they must take out to make these items low calorie or low fat, they must replace it with something else. For example, in low fat foods, they usually have to add more sugar to compensate for lowering the fat, or in low carb options, they have to add a shit ton of sodium to make up for taking out the carbs. Scary. Gross! I know. And I am here to tell you something even scarier.
Low calorie food will lower your desire to live.
What? Is this true!
Yes, there is a study on it. A study I conducted myself.
THE STUDY:
One week I had normal bread–delicious sourdough bread from the Trader of Joes. And the next week I got Fit&Active High Fiber Multigrain Low Calorie Bread from Aldi. By the end of each week, I wrote a journal on my overall mental health, and after both weeks, I compared my results.
The first week (when I was having delicious sourdough bread from The Trader of Joe): I journaled about learning to be more grateful because life is so beautiful. I need to appreciate the simple pleasures that are around me, focus on being more present, and at the end of the day– I am merely just a small beautiful creature walking freely on this lovely Earth.
The second week(when I ate cardboard low calorie Aldi bread): I wrote about how I am an idiot stupid loser. I need to grow up and save my money better. I have no idea what my future entails, I need to call my mother more, and I need to lose weight. Why did I even choose comedy as a career path? Why do I think I am talented enough to deserve the special spotlight? Why did I decide to torture myself with a career of pleasing others when I fucking hate pleasing other people???
…
In comparing my results, it is clear to see that the lower calorie bread directly impacted my mental health. There were absolutely no other variables that would have impacted these journal entries, other than the fact that I wrote the second week’s journal while being extremely hungover, after a night that was filled with making out with strangers and spending $40 on an Uber home because I got too drunk and my friends told me I was embarrassing everyone.
“When you feel like giving up, just remember why you held on for so long.” – Hayley Williams. A quote about suicide prevention.
To conclude–lower calorie bread is unsatisfying and sad to have. Eating it is serving yourself a punishment, and it’s an act of telling yourself that you don’t deserve to eat great delicious things but everyone else can and should. But that's not true! You deserve to eat great delicious things no matter what. So throw the cardboard bread in the fucking trash!