The Grimace Birthday Shake is Back, Now With Three Times More Grimace Cum

CHICAGO, IL - Due to popular demand, McDonald’s Corporation happily announces the return of the Grimace Birthday Shake™ for the month of June. This will be the first time since 2023 that the famous fast food chain will be selling this themed, seasonal milkshake.

Grimace, a purple and fuzzy giant tastebud and one of the many beloved characters of McDonaldland™, was the focus in a worldwide promotional campaign three years ago to celebrate his birthday, which canonically falls on June 12th. Employees at the McDonald’s corporate headquarters worked tirelessly to push this campaign out into the world, and were both delighted and surprised with the overwhelmingly positive response from the initial rollout.

“Grimace has usually been more of a forgotten background character,” says Grace Donohue, Associate Marketing Director. “Nobody really knew who or what he was. They said he is a tastebud, but that doesn’t feel right, spiritually,” she continues. “Kids would always say stuff like, ‘Why does he look like that? What is he even?’ and, ‘Mom, the purple thing scares me. I want to go home!’ It was a big risk to highlight such an underrepresented and controversial character, but I was one of the people at the forefront of the Grimace Birthday™ campaign. I could feel it in my heart—we have to do this.”

In 2023, people all over the world were clamoring to get their hands on a Grimace Birthday Shake™ since it was only available for a limited time. Unnaturally purple in color, the general conclusion among consumers was that the Grimace Birthday Shake™ did not taste very good. It has been vaguely described as “mixed berry” but also as “a little off-putting.” According to Roger Dilfstone, Head of Sales, the unpleasant taste was not an overall issue. Sales of the shake actually went up.

“The Grimace Shake was a hit the first time we did it, and this time we’ve made it even better,” says Eugene Franks, Head of Research and Development. “We’ve completely reformulated the recipe. Grimace himself is very dedicated to the cause and has been working day and night to make sure that everyone ordering the Grimace Birthday Shake™ will have the best possible shake Grimace and McDonald’s can make.” The exact methods of Grimace’s involvement is kept top secret to preserve company integrity, but there are rumblings about him watching a lot of old tapes of Ronald McDonald and the Hamburglar eating various McDonald’s meals during working hours.

While the fast food corporation has kept most of their milkshake formulas under lock and key, they have openly stated that the 2026 return of the Grimace Birthday Shake™ will include three times more Grimace Cum™ than in previous recipes. Grimace’s personal origins are mostly still unknown, but the source of Grimace Cum™ is quite clear that it is from Grimace himself. Minimal controversy has arisen from the confirmation of this ingredient being used, though the small but mighty opponents of the Grimace Birthday Shake™ are extremely outspoken in their disapproval. In a formal statement earlier this week, McDonald’s promises that, “Grimace is a willing participant in the harvesting of Grimace Birthday Shake™ ingredients and our new recipe is a 100 percent guarantee of improved flavor and mouth-feel.”

The restaurant chain has also teased a potential for other Grimace-inspired food items for the month of June, such as purple patties, purple glitter ketchup, and Grimace-shaped chicken nuggets. This is unconfirmed, and the amount of Grimace’s body matter in these products has not been discussed.

McDonald’s did not respond to any follow-up questions confirming if the Shamrock Shake™, promoted by Grimace’s Irish uncle, Uncle O’Grimacey, also contains Uncle O’Grimacey cum, or if they only rely on mint flavoring and green food coloring as they claim on their website. McDonald’s also refused to comment on the Ronald McDonald All-Natural Milk™ fiasco of 2001, which shook the entire nation to its core when the story dropped on September 9th, but was collectively forgotten after the collapse of the Twin Towers two days later.