Having Two Balls Fit In Your Mouth Only Impressive When Dogs Do It

Chicago, IL- An arrest was made this past week at the Montrose Beach Dog park. The crime? Theft. The assailant? 25 and 1/2th year old dog walker Molly Kilkenny. Kilkenny was found guilty of theft after mass panic by K9s who noticed their favorite tennis balls were all missing. Howling and whining was heard throughout the area, until one very brave basset hound tracked down the balls. They said they caught scent of their favorite ball toy attached to a string and followed the trail, eventually ending up at the trunk of Kilkenny’s Mazda 2017. Witnesses say Giggles, the basset hound, confronted Kilkenny about her theft by licking her face aggressively, which angered the assailant. Before long, Kilkenny was seen raising two balls to her mouth before opening it and attempting to place the balls inside. Kilkenny was recently diagnosed with TMJ, which Giggles was unaware of. When Molly opened her mouth, the TMJ released a popping sound so loud and sharp that everyone in the area would have surely died if not for the bravery of Giggles. Giggles took the bulk of the blast from the pop, getting severely injured in the process. She was rushed to the animal hospital where she is stable, but now has to wear a cone so she doesnt scratch or lick at her stuff. When Kilkenny was questioned, she just said her recent diagnosis ruined her life, her boyfriend broke up with her leaving her ballless, so she decided if she couldnt hold a ball in her mouth, no one could. This terrorism attack has left the montrose beach community shocked, as well as people who don’t know what TMJ is wondering, “what is TMJ"?”