5 Things I Stole from My OTHER Ex Boyfriend
Contrary to popular belief, I don’t play favorites. I hate all my ex boyfriends equally.
But in the spirit of honesty, I still talk to this ex boyfriend because he was my epic study abroad boyfriend. こんにちは彼氏さん. Me and him are cool, so I’ll probably give these back when he comes to visit me next year. NAWT!
1. One (1) Vivienne Westwood earring. So couples jewelry is a big thing in Japan (where i studied abroad by the way) and in Japan (I lived there) there was two Vivienne Westwood stores in Harajuku (shopping district where I lived when I studied abroad). Now I did in fact put him on to Vivienne Westwood, but for HIS BIRTHDAY he bought us a pair of earrings so we could match. Isn’t that so sweet?!?! And a little gay tho… PIC FOR PROOF
I did spend so much money on his birthday dinner (yen isn’t real money, that’s the currency in Japan where I lived for a little while) so it was the least he could’ve done. We broke up before I left for America ( I was only there temporarily because I was going to school abroad ) and he asked for the earring back. HELLLLL NAW. First off he only had one hole pierced so I said who are you giving the other one to? And he said his mom. EWWWW A COUPLES EARRING FOR YOUR MOM?? I was naked in that earring! I sent him a picture of me in the earring with the Welcome to the United States sign in the background.
2. His 23rd Birthday- What’s worse than spending your birthday with a girl you just started dating? Spending it with an AMERICAN girl. 23 is the most male year (fact) and american girls are some of the least male usually. (fact)
3. Hamburgers- I am not joking, I don’t have any deeper hatred for anything than what the Japanese think is a “hamburger”. I even went to Okinawa and I’m like damn America occupied you guys for so long and you can’t make a damn burger correctly? Now sadly, boyfriend thought that the Japanese INVENTED HAMBURGERS. We had a full bilingual argument about it (i speak two languages im cool) I said, honey can you tell me how to say hamburgers in japanese…. “etto well uhh it’s like hambaaga-” I said even if this is true and the Japanese invented it, they never would own up to doing something so horrible as inventing “hambaagas” just like WW2 war crimes.
4. His answers for my homework- I was failing school BAD because I was so busy fucking bitches and getting money (drinking eating shopping and crying) I would sneak him into my dorm and withhold “intimacy“ (smash bros on my nintendo switch) until my homework was done just so he would get fed up enough and fill the answers out for me. Now eventually I think my teacher caught on because I was suddenly answering “What is your favorite food” with full essays about damn hamburgers.
5. I can’t think of anything else I stole cause I liked him, but there needs to be 5 points to keep in line with the format. So I guess I will list all the cool shit he had: a motorcycle, a work from home big boy job, money, like a big salary, like even in yen it was a lot, a hot foreign girlfriend (me), good taste in music, muscles, y’know, like skin on his bones, instagram, he read a lot, smarty pants, おおきちんぽ (rare)、bilingual, kinda racist against non japanese people (they always are).
Stay tuned for next piece about what I stole from my OTHER OTHER ex.