Woman Fights Climate Change by Eating an Apple, Core and All
Consumer culture has a whole new meaning after accidental climate activist, Katerina Rhea, started eating her trash. Coffee grounds, potato skins, wet paper towels, and more! “If it’s decomposable, it’s me-composable,” Katerina told us.
Katerina started eating her trash after a fateful lunch break when the trashcan was too far away. “I gobbled up my apple core. It did not go down easy. But then my coworker said I was an inspiration for not having any food waste,” Katerina explained. What started with small accolades and a good reputation around the workplace led to winning a Nobel Peace prize for her contributions to fighting the climate crisis.
“Recycling doesn’t work and composting smells like shit,” Katerina said in her Nobel acceptance speech. “Eating your trash is like getting free food. And when food is free, the world is free.”
While Katerina has eliminated hundreds of pounds of trash, not everyone is happy. “She’s taking away all the garbage,” explained Charles Farl, the head of Chicago Waste Management. “We keep rolling up to dumpsters and they’re practically empty. We’re just collecting rats at this point.” Five trash collectors have been hospitalized after being bitten by rats. “The rats are hungry. You can’t remove their food source like this. They will turn on the people,” urged Charles.
When asked about the increasing rat problem in the city, Katerina insisted, “We live in an eat or be eaten world. So to the rats I say, prepare to be eaten.”
There have been recent sightings of Katerina in the darkest parts of the city hoovering rats into her mouth. “We’re very concerned about this situation,” stated the head of a local PETA chapter on Tuesday. “We will be teaming up with Chicago Waste Management to track and investigate the health of rat populations in the area.”
“All of these reports about me are lies!” Katerina yelled at a Tease & Resist reporter. She then began coughing intensely until a tiny bone came up. “Uh…don’t worry about that. That’s just trash.”