Ursula Opens Undersea Clinic After King Triton Outlaws Mermaid Abortion

In response to King Triton’s controversial decree banning all abortion procedures in the Mermaid Kingdom, notorious sea witch Ursula has announced the grand opening of Plan Sea, an undersea reproductive healthcare clinic that provides a range of services, including contraception, counseling, and, most notably, safe abortions for mermaids who don’t wish to birth hundreds of unplanned guppy-like offspring.

“Triton may think he rules the ocean, but he doesn’t rule our bodies,” Ursula said in a statement outside her dark, swirling lair, surrounded by an army of withered but incredibly effective medical assistants. “If a mermaid doesn’t want to be saddled with 500 unwanted fish babies, that’s her decision.” Critics point out that Triton himself has personally wiped out entire schools of fish in fits of rage. 

With no legal options left, desperate mermaids have already begun flocking to Ursula’s lair, braving the eerie underwater caverns and ominous glowing potions in exchange for safe, discreet reproductive care. While some fear owing Ursula a “favor” in return, many note that her terms are still far better than being forced to co-parent with a one-night hookup.

“I was terrified at first,” admitted one anonymous mermaid patient, “But Ursula was so kind, and she didn’t even ask for my voice in exchange - just a small copay of two sand dollars and a promise to vote in the next reef election.”

At press time, Ursula was seen expanding her services to include sirens, who have also been affected by the ruling but have responded by luring pro-life sailors to their deaths as a coping mechanism.