Helpful New Letterboxd Feature Filters Out Reviews From All Users Who Attended Film School
This past Friday, Letterboxd users rejoiced when they updated their apps to discover a groundbreaking new feature: one that Letterboxd has dubbed “UToggle,” short for “University Toggle.” This feature essentially identifies which users attended film school and allows them to adjust between three settings: “All Reviews,” “No Film School Reviews,” or, for the truly and deeply sadistic, “Film School Reviews Only.”
Literally gamechanging.
Letterboxd HQ has reassured users that this new feature does not use any form of Artificial Intelligence to identify which users attended film school. Their official statement reads: “We’re just having a couple of our team members at HQ identify who has attended film school and categorize their profile as a ‘LUser’ account, short for Letterboxd University User. It is extremely easy to identify the LUsers. You barely even have to read their reviews.”
Reported non-LUser Dorothy Crimboldt, “I’m cool, okay? I have a lot of friends in the film community and I do what I can to keep up with them. But sometimes I leave a movie that I loved and I just get this deep sense of dread… [because I know] when I log it and see all my film friends’ reviews, it’s gonna burst my bubble. I mean, I loved Weapons, but before I could even log it, I saw all of my friends saying ‘Cregger is a hack’ and ‘wtf was that shot of the giant gun with a clock? So stupid.’ So, I downgraded my rating from five to three stars just so I wouldn’t get made fun of.” When asked by our reporter why she wouldn’t just abstain from logging the film to avoid having her “bubble burst,” Crimboldt chainsmoked an entire pack of Marlboro Reds and changed the subject.
Crimboldt isn’t alone. When conducting our interviews of non-film school users on Letterboxd, our TNR reporters continued to hear the same refrain. Non-film-school users, or “Sex-Havers” as they’ve been dubbed by Letterboxd HQ, are tired of having their parade rained on. Said Sex-Haver Avery Garvey, “I don’t fucking care that my situationship, who is a (Garvey does exaggerated air quotes) ‘director,’ thought that Yorgos Lanthimos’s Bugonia paled in comparison to the original. He’s never even seen the original. He confessed that to me while we were doing oral to each other in bed.” Wow, TMI Avery! But it’s an excellent point nonetheless.
“And another thing,” she continued as our reporter began trying to walk away, “I can’t watch one more shitty movie where the protagonists are complete misogynists and the women are objects– (this got our reporter to turn right back around!) just to watch some film major give it five stars and say it’s awesome. Oh, so just because I liked Diablo Cody’s Lisa Frankenstein, that invalidates my opinion? That movie is fucking awesome, I’m sorry– No! I’m NOT sorry!! Did you know that when you google ‘sexist movies,’ the only thing that comes up is a list of ‘Sexiest Movies Of All Time?’ They’re literally erasing us!” You lost the thread a bit, Avery, but thanks for your comments.
As for what the LUsers think of this new feature, well, let’s just say we attempted to get a film-school perspective on the situation, but whenever our interviewees figured out we were a publication of women and non-binary people trying to do something comedic, they either stormed out furiously or their brains projectile-exploded violently all over our beautiful reporters. We just can’t have that, as we spent a lot of money on our professional yet ravishing outfits. So, if you attended film school and would like to weigh in on what it’s like to be a LUser, email my personal email address: spam@teaseandresist.com.