The Fuck Ass Bob Effect
Well,
If you were wondering.
I recently did just get a bob– sorry, I mean,
A fuck ass bob.
The bangs, the chop, the darker hair dye–
I guess you can say,, its my new lewk.
And I must say, it’s doing something to me.
This new identity.. I can’t control it.
It is my new mask, and I am merely Jim Carry.
The voices. The voices.
(Telling me to sip on hot latte, smoke cigarette, and leave red lip stick on a mug)
The whispers… the whispers…
(telling me to wink at a stranger, put on tap shoes, and dance the night away)
The hair. The hair.
(telling me I am the most beautiful girl in the world)
Should I write a song, play it on my guitar, and post it on my Instagram story?
Should I make a homemade raspberry jam and put it on sourdough bread?
Should I cut open a pomegranate fruit and paint it with my water colors?
Who is this girl?!
I don’t know.
Help. I am so scared.
Does this happen to all girls when they have get this haircut?
The fuckass bob effect, if you will.
I am so serious.
This is a genuine question.
Because if this is the case….. this haircut is so.
Deeply,
Dangerous.
One haircut– it can make a girl so enabled to do as she pleases.
It’s like I am Fiona Apple.
Does that even fucking make sense?
I want to put on red lipstick, kiss a special little boy, and we can wear red lipstick together!
I’ll grab his cheek, call him gorgeous,
And then I’ll ghost him. ..Yes..
… Yes. …yes.
And he will obsess over me for weeks.. And. And!!
My bob haircut will be the last image that is burned into his head.
No. Wait.
I want to put on red lipstick, and start sucking his dick.
Then I will scream!
OH MY GOD YOUR DICK IS BLEEDING
And then…
I will ghost him. Yes.. yes.
And he will obsess over me for weeks. And,
My bob haircut will live in his fucking nightmares.
…
Do you see what I mean when I talk about how dangerous this haircut can be?
It’s like I can see through Edna Mode’s pointy ass tits…
and the universe has aligned so brightly.
This bob haircut, it doesn’t make me evil,
It makes me fucking crazy.