Hitting Your Protein Goals Isn’t That Hard. You Just Have to Change Your Entire Lifestyle.

Okay. 140 grams of protein a day.

I can do that.

Easy.

The Rock consumes up to 400 grams of protein a day. All I have to do is eat a measly 140 Gs. Ain’t no problem.

A plan. Eat 3 square meals with 40+ grams of protein, and two snacks with 20 grams of protein each.

Easy.

But also I have to check my calories. If I eat too many calories I will bulk up and will want to die. Wait, shut up Annabelle, be nice to yourself. Okay Annabelle, I am sorry. Okay so 3 square meals, 40+ protein, all under 500 calories. Okay.

-Ground beef- Salmon- Ground turkey- Bacon. Wait no. Turkey bacon- Greek yogurt. Tons of it. Shit loads of it. Gallons even!-Cottage cheese! Pile it on!!- Eggs. wait. Egg whites.- Whey protein powder. Wait, whey give me tummy ache–Vegan protein powder!! Wait, this one is really processed. Okay. Organic Vegan Protein powder!!

Okay meal plan. Created. Let’s go get these groceries.

Oh. $150.

…

At ALDI’s? ??

Really? Okay. Wow.

No, that's fine. I understand. I just purchased 5+ options of meat and dairy products; all adding up to $150-. Yes, I understand. It’s okay. It’s not like I wanted to use my money on something like therapy, or on that trip for my grandma's funeral. No this is fine, a choice I am making for me. I would much rather hit my protein goals than spend money on something as stupid as my grandmas’ funeral.

Okay, groceries purchased!! Time to prepare 7 breakfasts, lunches, and dinners. Oh and don't forget, snacks too! Two hours of meal prepping. Wait no, just kidding. Three hours! Just two, I mean, three, hours of chopping, seasoning, sweating, dishes, dishes, and more dishes. Oh did this all actually take 4 hours to do? Welp sucks to suck I guess.

Okay meals planned and ready for the week. Now I just need to wake up by 6 AM everyday so I have enough time throughout the day to eat everything. 6 AM life!! So healthy! So sober. So, oh me ghee, that gurl has her life together! That girl is eating stinky salmon in the break room! Yas baddie!!

Oh wait. What about plans with friends? Wednesdays are when everyone wants to meet up for drinks at eight, but 8 pm is when I am supposed to have a cup of cottage cheese. Hmm. What if I sneak the cottage cheese in the bar? Wait, even better, what if I put the cottage cheese in my drink. Yes.

It will be like a white russian.

A chunky white russian!

The bartender did not like my new drink idea and he told me I needed to leave. He also told me to stop flirting with him. What the fuck!! And my friends didn’t even defend me. They said I smelt like egg whites and looked like shit. That’s when I realized I haven't showered in 6 days because I was so focused on hitting my protein.

Wow. This protein goal. It is really taking over my life. Is it even worth it? I have been farting all day. My hair has been falling out. And my acne has been off the charts.

But my ass looks huge.

So yeah. It’s worth it.

But some lady on instagram just told me that hitting my fiber is just as important as hitting protein. Fuck.

Here we go again.