Carpool Karaoke Returns to Improve White Women's Morale

The news has been tough recently, there’s no way around it. And no one has been hit harder than upper middle class white women. While other marginalized groups have seen the slow build of recent events, the horse-style blinders white women have implemented in their daily lives have caused the recent events to hit their psyche’s like a two ton semi. In light of these trying times, Carpool Karaoke has been mandated to return in order to keep white women across the country from blowing their brains out.

We found James Cordon cocooned in a mass of his own semen about 20 miles inland from the Hollywood Hills. He was whispering to himself about Cats the Musical, and how “if they re-released the butthole version… maybe then I can finally fucking EGOT.” After slapping him with a necessary dose of fentanyl, he has been deemed fit to grace our screens once more. And it couldn’t come a moment too soon. Shortly after acquiring Cordon our sprinter van was overrun by aggro white women who thought we were selling Acai bowls out of the back. When we informed them that this Mercedes Sprinter did not have a kitchen in it, they cited multiple van life instagrams that begged to differ. Needless to say, this marginalized community is on the brink, and Cordon’s return is saving us all from World War 3. His first guest? Benson Boone. Thank God.