The Drink of the Summer? A Small Handle of Svedka and Some Juice From Work That No One Wanted

It’s summer, finally! That means it’s time to relax and enjoy the nice weather. What better way to enjoy yourself than a refreshing summer bev. Let’s face it, fall, winter, and spring and last summer and last fall and last winter and last spring and last last summer were…tumultuous. I don’t know about you, ladies, but this spring, I said no more to my nasty textuationship. So, this summer, mama is a free woman! Just to clarify, I’m only metaphorically a “free woman”, on account of my parole. I ran over a woman. But that’s all in the past now and it’s time to soak up the sun and hide alcohol at the beach in opaque containers because I can’t stand to be outside if I’m not plastered! Not to be overshadowed by last summer’s drink, Aperol Spritz, this year’s drink of the summer we’re calling: Rock Bottom on the Rocks.

That half drank bottle of juice cleanse that your boss forgot about in the break room fridge because money is no object to her, DON’T THROW IT OUT. That is one of the key ingredients to the RBotR. Not a seasoned bartender? No problem! This drink is super beginner friendly.

Step One: Pour that rancid ass juice into a cup you thrifted that’s covered in lead

Step Two: Add ice and don’t refill the ice tray after because who even gives a fuck anymore

Step Three: Add 2 or 3 or probably like 4 or 5 shots of Svedka. This will hide the horrible taste of that juice.

Step Four: Stalk your ex on spotify again and text your friends that you aren’t gonna make it out after all.

Step Five: Masturbate while eating chips in bed

And there you have it! Easy right? Almost as easy as letting yourself go, completely. If you liked this recipe, check out our summer salad recipe. It's protein powder on top of cold tofurkey.