Are You Guys Actually Washing Your Sheets Every Week Because I Can’t Handle All ThatWith What I Have Going on Right Now, Personally
Hey everyone! Sorry if this is annoying and you hate me! It’s just... you have to understand... I have a fucking LOT going on right now. “What do you have going on” you say?
Oh my god, thank you for asking and also FUCK YOU because now I have to add your nagging request to my mile-long-to-do list. I really can’t get into all of it, but let’s just say I’m juggling my part time job as well as my partner, who won’t stop manipulating me into texting them back about our plans. They’re a classic anxious attachment lovebomber...great, just what I need right now... NOT.
And you privileged fucks keep telling me “changing your sheets only takes an like 2 hours.” THATS NOT THE CASE FOR ME! I got one of those duvet covers from urban outfitters in an effort to get my side chick to finally respect me enough to stay the night and no one told me that in order to change it you have to climb all the way inside and I can’t stop getting lost in there. It’s so dark and damp it reminds me of the womb and I ate my twin so that triggers my survivor’s guilt.
Not to mention, everytime I open the clock app to set a timer for my laundry, I get distracted playing with all the numbers. If you're patient enough, you can get the stopwatch to say anything. My high score is 00:42:16. So, I never end up setting the timer and forget about the bedding due to being completely consumed by all my other tasks, ie: taking the clean cups out of the dishwasher, taking the clean plates out of the dishwasher, taking the clean forks out of the dishwasher, taking the clean spoons out of the dishwasher, taking my clean diva cup out of the dishwasher, and figuring out how to fit all that stuff on the counter while I wait for my partner to get home and put everything away.
After all of that I have to take a nap, I’m only human after all, only to discover that my bed has no bedding on it! After filing a report to the police concerning the missing bedding, I decide to calm myself down by reading Threads. After arguing with bots for an hour and a half, I finally stumble across some Threads porn of a girl trapped in a washing machine. “How ridiculous!” I exclaim, “Who even has time to use those things”. Just then I remember I totally forgot to feed my outdoor colony of cats! By the time I get out there to feed them, they have eaten each other alive. Finally, some initiative! It feels like I’m the only person on the planet actually working.
By the time the police call me back with an update on my case I’ve been awake for 86 hours (due to a lack of bedding) and have gotten a lot done. Namely, I placed 43 different orders from TikTok Shop. All in a day's work!