Who would win in a fight: Queen Elizabeth I or Mike Wazowski from Pixar’s Monsters, Inc. (2001)?

The crashing of a sunken Armada. The screams of children. Political intrigue. A tight-five at a comedy club. I am here again to pose another brave question:

WHO WOULD WIN IN A FIGHT: QUEEN ELIZABETH I OR MIKE WAZOWSKI FROM PIXAR’S MONSTER, INC (2001)?

We will once again be using the three criteria for winning a fight to make our judgement: Weaponry, Intelligence, and Charisma.

Weaponry - Queen Elizabeth I

Now, it should not come as a surprise to anyone that Queen Elizabeth I wins in regards to weaponry. Lizzie B had multiple countries, armies, and navies under her rule. I bet if planes existed back then she would have had a couple of those, too. Mike Wazowski is a lackey with a microphone. Whoever said “comedy kills” wasn’t up against 6000 English troops. Even without weapons, Elizabeth could probably punt Mike across a field like a soccer ball. GLORY, GLORY MAN UNITED!!!!!!

Intelligence - Queen Elizabeth I

Another facet that Elizabeth has under lock and key. She had access to the highest caliber tutors. Girly pop was fluent in five languages and her reign as Queen of England is considered one of the most glorious in English history. Meanwhile, Michael Wazowski couldn’t even be bothered to turn in some paperwork when he knew his job was on the line. See the following conversation with Randall:

Randall: What happens when the whistle blows in five minutes?

Mike: Uh, I get a timeout?

Randall: Everyone goes to lunch!

Mans has worked at this company for several years and doesn’t know what happens when the whistle blows? Idiot. Freak. Loser.

Charisma - Mike Wazowski

It is true that Queen Elizabeth had a lot of haters. “But doesn’t every successful woman?” you are asking yourself. Probably. But this successful woman was also a colonizer and the leader of a country that prides itself on building empires on the bones of native people. She was also known as the VIRGIN queen which definitely doesn’t help her case. While my original findings for Wazowski were that he has no charisma (performing a sloppy tight-five in a child’s bedroom is not what I would call charismatic), I remembered that he somehow pulled Celia who, you will recall, is a Grade A Baddie. How he rizzed up the hottest creature at Monsters, Inc. is a mystery to me but the evidence is irrefutable.

Conclusion

In a devastating defeat for Mike Wazowski, Queen Elizabeth is the victor of this fight. Unfortunately, the British have experience putting down the little guy. Tune in next time for

Who Would Win in a Fight: Cleopatra or Wall-E from Pixar’s Wall-E (2008)?