I Quit Speech Therapy and Now I Can’t Ask My Local Bakery If They Still Sell Samples of Their Sourdough Starter

When I was in sthecond grade, I got called out of clath to go to thisth random room in the sthchool. I sthat with thith lady and she held up cardsth with picthursth, and made me read a bunch of wordsth off the cardsth. I was like, thith is stho pointleth becauthe I know how to friggin read. Then we got to the word glasthesth. Well, after I thaid “glasthesth,” she put down the card and wrote thomsthing on a pieth of paper. I did NOT like when she did that. It kinda pithed me off, to be honest. I felt judged.

After that, every Tuethday I had to go to the room in the morning and read wordth that thtarted with “S” and then go back justht in time for Math, a thubject which I frankly dethpithed. The whole thing wath juthst a bad friggin vibe. My thpeech wath not improving, and my thecond grade teacher Mithuth Burman didn’t correct me in clath whenever I thpoke with a lithp, even though all the other kidth who were alstho in sthpeech therapy got corrected every time. I figured that thith meant that it didn’t matter, adulth would sthill approve of me dethpite my obviouth shortcomingthz.

Stho when the sthpeech therapy lady asthked me if I would continue practithing on my own if I sthopped having lesthonth with her, I was like, hell yeah. Obviouthly, that did not happen.

Asth I’m sure you’ve noticthed, my lithpth was leths pronounthced, asth I could producthe the “S” sthound required, but I alstho throw a little “th” in there. It’sth honesthly whatever! Over time, my teeth became naturally perfect without the usthe of bractheths–if you’ve ever theen me in real life or in a photo, you will have noticed thisth, along with my flawlesth sthkin which I barely even usthe productsth on. Thith further corrected the listhp.

When I wasth in high sthchool, I did thpeech team–altho known asth “Forenthicsth,” wherein teenagerth get in profethional-pantsthuit drag, and have burned-out college kidsth judge them on their sthpeaking ability and their looksth. Thesthe critiquesth were written on “ballotsth,” which were full sheetsth of paper with handwritten notesth about the flawsth and failuresth of each 14-to-17-year-old competing. Those were then handed out to the aforementioned 14-to-17-year-olds, which we could then read, comprehend, and use to create ideasth about oursthelveths. With anywhere between three and eighteen ballotsth per competition, I noticthed a trend–a lot of college kidth thought I was busthted, loud, and had a lithsp.

While thisth whole activity obviousthly did wondersth for my sthelf-confidenth, I took to heart that my sthlight listhp wath getting in the way of my potenthial. Stho, I worked on it and tried to be very careful about my tongue placthment when I sthpoke.

Me and my betht friend Athton, thentior year of high thchool at a sthpeech tournament. Taking home thome hardware dethpite my loudneth, buthtedness and sthpeech impediment.

Eventually, I kind of forgot thith wath ever sthomething I dealt with. I came to sthee mysthelf asth confident, well sthpoken, and sthmart.

Until lastht week. I’ve been cooking a lot rethently to sthave money (I’ve obstherved sthomething interethting that I don’t think anyone elthe hath notithed, which iths that grotherieth are kinda expethive thethe dayth) and I’ve been sthoaking beanths and making bean thstew. But what goes perfectly with bean thstew? Thourdough bread, of courth. I’ve tried making my own thourdough tharter at home, but I found it really difficult and time conthuming.

The stholution? Going to my local bakery. I know they utsthed to thell thmall thampleth of their thourdough thtarter, stho you could get sthtarted at home stho much more easthily. But do they sthill do that? Only one way to find out! Asthk!

The deja-vu and fear that I felt when I athked the Logan Sthquare-ite with the fringe and the vithually obviousth pronounsth, “Hey, do you guyth sthtill sthell sthampleth of your sthourdough sthtarter?” wasth unparralleled. I felt like they were about to hold up a photo of glasthesth and write down “LISP” on a clipboard when I pronounthed it incorrectly. Fuck my life!! I know sthome of you reading thith are currently in graduate sthchool for sthpeech language pathology and might be interesthed in trying out your new sthkills on me. Email me: madielibman@gmail.com pleasthe!! Or justh sthend me sthome stharter. 2526 Puglia Dr. Apt. 3 Chicago, IL 69696