How I Lost 90 Pounds: Doesn’t Matter Please Help I’m In England And They Also Canceled My Credit Card

After quitting her role as a project manager at a middle-of-the-line Ad Agency, Megan Tringle thought it would be cool to do an Eat Pray Love sort of trip. Unfortunately, she planned the “Eat” portion to be in London. No clue why, she spent the first weeks spending heinous amounts of cash on potatoes and mashy mush pea on beanie weenie toastie. And every once in a while, she would eat south asian cuisine that was honestly pretty good.

She ate her way through the Tube to The Channel to the top of The Eye all the way to an English Pub. It was on the eve of the Pub that she met a certain guy we’ll call “Ned.” Ned and Megan shared pint after pint, pining after each other. They went home together, and the next day she felt sort of nothing about the whole ordeal. This sub-point has nothing to do with the rest of the article. Ned declined to comment.

Megan started wondering what she was looking for on this 3-month expedition anyway. Did she just need to feel something? She wasted so much time checked out at the window in between meetings during her late 20’s at that uninspired agency, fantasizing about some sort of London. She even imagined a whole life here. Up in the cool damp mornings, around 7. She starts her day with the smells of a tea brewing, and the feeling of a lived-in wool sweater. Always a little itchy and yearning for a bit more warmth, brolly in toe.

But she would know that after a day at her job, something that involved teaching children, she’d be knackered on the tube, falling asleep for just a second before she heard her stop echo throughout the car. And waiting for her at home would be some sort of warm curry made by an unnamed gentleman who was slightly annoyed by day to day living, but chuffed just the same at the thought of Meg. He was a bit more playful than Ned. Ned declined to comment.

Ned wasn’t the only thing that declined. Megan read that very word on the card reader at the 7-Eleven checkout during her third week in the city. Weird she thought. Maybe there was an issue with this card and the foreign travel. Had she used this card yet? She felt around for the wallet in her pocket. Then another pocket. And then back to the first one again. Fuck. She was absolutely skint.