Why The Hell Would Yankee Doodle Stick a Feather In His Hat and Call It Fucking Macaroni
We need to break down this… nursery rhyme?... lymeric?... senior yearbook quote? Is there like a deep lesson of Yankee Doodle’s song?
Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a “pony.” I did some research, the average height of a man in 1755 was 5’6, average weight 129-183 lbs, don’t fact check me. Everything published in a Tease and Resist article is true because of our “yuh huh” rules. Now horses can surely handle that size, but one time I was denied a pony ride at the Delaware Flower Market because I was “fatty fat fat” and I quote (i was 5’0 and 110 lbs, but they literally said that to me, more or less, they said that the pony would buckle under me. BUCKLE???? HULLOW?) cause it was a pony and not a horse. Now if my nose is correct, yankee doodle would be DISPROPORTIONATELY too big for the wee Shetland. So he started off with animal abuse, great, typical yank.
So this pony manages to trot to town with Yankee Huge-ly, and then we get to the part of the song where he famously puts a feather in his hat and calls it “macaroni.” Where did he get the feather from? Pigeon or some other fowl? Let’s hope he was riding a griffin pony/ pegasus, so only one animal was abused in the taping of the song.
Now the problem at hand- his naming decision…MACARONI?? Like from WAP? I guess Yankee rhymes with Wankee, like wanker, like having a wank which is how British people say they masturbate. I know that because one time I studied abroad and my British friend would say shit like have a shag or have a wank. “Bloody hell” she was cool.
I have thought of a list of words Yankee Doodle could have used to describe the feather in his hat besides “macaroni”
Snorky- the word Al Capone wanted to be called cause it meant spiffy dresser, I know that cause I did ghost and gangster tours and drove the bus, NOT A PONY.
Fusili- still a pasta, but a little undercover
Avian Flu- I guess colonizers didn’t care about disease anyway though.
Tickle bump!
Ruffles- Not to be confused with Frito Lay
Lardmore- I think that’s just a classy name, lardy for short
Feva- how a cockney person would say Feather
I think the lesson of the song is Yankee’s are uncreative fat morons, and that’s why America is where it is at currently. Thanks a lot, Mr.Doodle.