Property Brothers Attempted Flip of The Monster House Ends in Tragedy
Both Property Brothers have been tragically killed in what was supposed to be the “Flip of the Century”. What began as a magnum opus of modern renovation turned fatal, with the HGTV community reeling from a historic loss of their most profitable pair of cash cows.
The Monster House, which readers may recognize from the eponymous 2006 film, recently hit the real estate market last month. After a tumultuous bidding war for a house that was in literal shambles, the Property Brothers (the bearded one and the one with the hair), walked away triumphant. Sadly, that triumph would be short lived, much like their lives.
The brothers never anticipated an easy flip– shiplap doesn't exactly hang itself– but no one could have anticipated the true nightmare that would unfold. Not a week into gutting the house, the brothers discovered the house was still possessed. While attempting to install a statement fireplace- whatever that is- the installation equipment burst into flames of the damned, spelling out “Don’t Do That- xoxo, The Monster House” in ashes. This unexpected development set filming back quite a bit. “They had to get an exorcist involved, it was a whole thing” said beardy’s fiance– way-out-of-his-league actress: Zooey Deschanel. “It really sucks that all of that hard work went to waste. I guess God really doesn't exist.” said Deschanel, whilst sadly strumming a ukulele.
Even in their last moments, the brothers never gave up on the house. In their final filmed interview, the one with the hair claimed that “Despite all its flaws, the house had great bones, and not just the human kind.” Moments later, they were both swallowed whole while the cameras still rolled.
“The scientific term for what happened to them is they got eaten by a sentient house.” said the case’s medical examiner. “Not something that we see a lot in this field, but I suppose there's a first time for everything.” Although no bodies could be recovered from the caustic bile of the house’s basement, the family will be holding a private memorial service in the Love it or List it talent trailer. HGTV has stated they will air the unedited cut of the final episode on HGTV+, a streaming service created solely for this one video. Plans start at $49 per month.
The remaining third property brother, J.D. Property, is not asking for privacy at this time, so any and all further questions re:swallowing should be directed to J.D. at Hou$e8PBrosFAQs@aol.com.