Oh me? Yeah. I’m unemployed. Grass is definitely greener on the other side.
Haha. Yeah I’m getting money from my parents, and yeah, I live with them. Very sexy, very chic. Twenty-two, unemployed, uhmm, who wants to put a ring on this finger? For real though–I have so much free time, I can start to understand how a woman ends up married and pregnant by twenty-two just to have something to do.
But seriously!!! I’m thriving. Like really thriving.
I mean, I hated my last job. During a closing shift, I cried super loudly in the customer bathroom ‘til my manager told me to go home early. Which was awesome because I was crying so hard cause I wanted to go home and leave that awful horrendous place. Thanks Queen! I haven’t been back since.
It is so cool that I can wake up whenever I want. My rules! My time! Sometimes I play this game where I set an alarm for 7 a.m. and tell myself that today is the day I start waking up early and get my life together. And when my alarm goes off, I snooze it ! And snooze again, and again, spending the whole morning drifting in and out in between sweating and fever dreams !
Last night I had a dream where I was the host of a huge talent show. Everyone from my entire life was there: my parents, past teachers, even that one guy I fucked! But backstage, I couldn’t find my shoes, and I was also bleeding through my suit. The music kept getting louder and louder,
“Introducing Annabelle Weber!!”
I went on stage, barefoot in a blood-soaked suit. Everyone kept screaming, but it wasn’t really excitement, something closer to panic. I tried screaming back to quiet the audience down? If that makes sense? But it wouldn’t stop.
Then I woke up at 1:07 p.m.
Everyday I get to wake up and think, *What do I have to do today?*
And the answer is: nothing.
Which is empowering for about twelve minutes! But don’t worry...I stay busy.
I make coffee. I scroll. I dig in my butt. I tell myself I’m being intentional; it's okay to take things slow, and it is okay to get stoned at 10 AM.
Everyone is jealous of me. And they should be! Because I’m free ! Free to do laundry at 2 p.m, free to take a nap that I didn’t earn. Free to spiral creatively and call it a “process.”
Sometimes I’ll say things like,
“I’m working on some projects.”
And then I will type on my laptop, and then delete everything I typed on my laptop.
BAHH! This is temporary !
I can be a waitress by tomorrow. Just let me enjoy this moment now.
I used to have no time. My car used to be filled to the brim with Dunkin donuts trash, my laundry would pile up for weeks, and I wouldn’t even have time to wash my face. Everyday I prayed for everything to just STOP. And now I am here, and all I have is time. It just sits here. And it judges me.
But yeah.
No complaints.
The grass is greener.
I swear.