Okay FR Tho…Is It Okay to Think About the Minions Sexually?

First of all, THEY AREN’T BABIES, OKAY?? THEY’VE BEEN ALIVE SINCE THE DINOSAURS. WATCH THEIR ENTIRE FILMOGROPHY BEFORE YOU COME IN THE COMMENT SECTION OF MY STUART FAN EDIT AND CALL ME A PERVERT..

I just want to talk about the facts here: the minions are capital F, Phallic. How else are we to interpret the artist's intent if not as pornographic, spank bank material. I’m sorry, tempt me with smooth yellow ass in a tight ass thong and ask me not to get a big ole nasty boner? I’m only human!

Everyone knows I have a thing for funny guys and Kevin, Bob, Stuart, Dave, MAN those guys make me laugh. Get this, all the minions want is to serve an evil master, but everytime they mess it up! You’d think, there’s no way these little guys could cause a great big evil guy any trouble. BUT THEY DO! Now, yes, they are inherently evil but that doesn’t make them any less sexy. I want to fuck the minions, I’m not looking for anything serious, I have a lot going on right now and I’m not over my ex.

If I were to date one of them it would be Kevin. And not just because he’s tall. I’m NOT shallow. I like him because of his sardonic attitude and his big heart. Ultimately, I know it would never work out. Our attachment styles aren’t compatible. He would break me.

Now, we have to address the language barrier. While, I don’t speak minionese, I know enough to get proper consent (si=yes, papoy = FUCK YES). And I think we all know, if you get me and a minion in a room together, mama, we’re gonna let that body talk, amiright??

Basically, what I’m trying to say is the second I get my hands on any one of those little yellow guys, I’m going to town crazy style on them. All I’m asking for from you people is to be sex positive or mind your business.