Dear Tease and Resist

Dear TNR,

Please help me! I think my friend is stuck in a medicine ad. Earlier this month, she was constantly uncomfortable. She was either canceling plans, or coming to plans, wincing into the distance, and leaving early. Me and all the other girls would look at each other concerned, as she ran off, clearly longing for a solution. Things have definitely improved for her since then, which is great, but it’s become really weird to be around her. She’s always smiling with her mouth open, silently laughing, hugging toddlers and spinning them around, and cheers-ing with age appropriate men. It’s almost impossible to have a normal conversation without her eyes glazing over while looking relieved to no longer be suffering from something or other, possibly plaque psoriasis or diabetes of some type. What should I do to make her snap out of it?

Sincerely,

Frankly Concerned in Alberta, CA

Dear Frankly,

Have you asked your friend recently if she’s been experiencing nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, decreased appetite, increased appetite, constipation, stomach pain, itchy leg syndrome, sneeze attacks, fart attacks, gallstones, kidney stones, decreased interest in sexual activity, increased interest in sexual activity, inability to have or keep an erection, or inability to jizz, cum, or shoot her wad? If she has, her doctor may recommend she stop taking whatever it is she’s taking–this may be a good excuse to snap her out of this phase she’s in without being totally crass and impolite. Though she may experience a relapse of her original condition, this is far preferable to having to see your friend constantly experiencing the joy of relief while you suffer from daily existence.

Cheers,

TNR