Our Top Few Celebrities Without Assault Accusations
After thorough digging, fact checking, gossiping, fear mongering, and article reading, we here at Tease and Resist have compiled a list of our favorite celebrities without any assault accusations! Unfortunately, dear readers, like Sabrina Carpenter, this list will be short and sweet. Sabrina Carpenter is not included in this count. She hasn’t done anything wrong, but she did convince people Barry Keoghan was hot, and that man is certainly an assault on the eyes. Let’s get started! The list will be updated exponentially due to qualifications and eligibility! Let it also be stated this list will not include women, because we couldn’t find many with allegations in the first place :( Shoot!
John Mulaney! He’s funny! He’s Hot! He cheated on his wife :(
The Impractical Jokers! They are funny! Some of them are Hot! *This article was written before the allegations of Joe and Murr came to light. My whole point has been proven before this article even was published, so nevermind! Sooooo…just Sal and Q! Although… If they keep that sort of company, what does that have to say about them? Scratch that whole thing then.
Hugh Jackman! The only thing this guy has been accused of is being a nice guy, but frankly his real crime is being an adult theater kid. Wolverine just wants to sing and dance. Those are some “manly urges” he shouldn’t have to resist!
All of Jess’s roommates in New Girl! Nick, Scmidt, and Winston. I’ll give Coach an honorary spot because his real name is Ernie.
Speaking of– Bert and Ernie! Gay and unbothered faves!
Again Speaking of– Neil Patrick Harris! This does not include Barney Stinson, his character from How I Met Your Mother, but we do have to bring up that he made a lifesized Amy Winehouse body out of deli meat and served it to a party when she died. So, actually, no he is not on the list anymore, scratch that.
Cinnamoroll! Yes, the Sanrio character. His only accusations include 1. He’s a bunny– NOPE. He’s a PUPPY! Not a dog… a PUPPY. 2. He’s a she. NOPE! (That’s Miss Toler! It’s JUDGE TOLER. BE QUIET. I HAVE A QUESTION. Anyone get the reference??) Anyways.
I think that’s about it for now. Comment the men of hollywood you WISH were on this list but can never ever be!