How First Two Chapters of Motivational Book Led Twenty-Something to Job Application Contemplation.

Shock, awe, and intrigue. On Thursday the 10th of April, something extraordinary took place in Chicago’s Edgewater neighborhood. Twenty-four year old Gabe Tapper’s life was irrevocably changed, in an event which he generously shared with our reporters.

Tapper awoke to the glorious sun shining through the window of his rented brownstone, grateful his three roommates hadn’t woken him on their trips out the door to get to work at 8:06 am, 9:30 am, and 12:49 pm respectively. With a yawn and a stretch, Tapper rolled over to sleep for another hour. This was par for the course of every morning since mid-November, when Tapper quit his bartending job at the local watering hole, because, in Tapper’s words, “Everyone there had it out for me. Especially the chicks. The chicks just made things weird.”

But this is where the day became anything but commonplace. As Tapper made the treacherous journey from his bed to his roommates’ sectional sofa in his living room, his heart sank as he realized the remote that controls his roommates’ television was nowhere to be found. He valiantly searched the cushions of the couch and shelves of the TV Console for one entire minute. He even got on his hands and knees, looking one way, then another. Eventually, he gave up and slid onto his stomach. At this point, just kind of lying on the ground, he was unable to rewatch The Office and feeling hopeless.

Alas, in his desperation and boredom, Gabe picked up the nearest object to him, sitting tantalizingly placed on the second shelf on the coffee table–his roommate’s copy of Don’t Be a Lazy Asshole Like My Son!! Motivate Yourself Off My Basement Couch. Get Up and Work! A Self-Published Guide to Finishing What You Start! written by Tucson, Arizona resident and mom Linda Gilpin, and purchased for his roommate as a hint.

Tapper examined the cover. Apparently, not only was the book rated on Amazon, it was also reviewed. Slightly interested, Gabe skimmed the forward, and was considering putting the book down when something extraordinary happened: he began to read the words. He read a sentence. Another. Then another. He read an entire page, and so quickly was the fire of motivation igniting within him, he read an entire chapter. With a fierceness, Tapper shoved himself off of the ground where he lay and onto the couch. So inspiring were Gilpin’s words, he moved swiftly onto chapter two. Before he was even finished, he had already decided it was time for a change.

Gabe Tapper set down the book, picked up his iPhone, and downloaded the Indeed app. Not only that, he went through almost every single step of setting up his profile, all the way through to a section asking him to input previous work experience or upload a resume.

Stranger than fiction, but true: Tapper was already very nearly a candidate for employment, all due to the life-changing and motivational words of Gilpin’s Don’t Be a Lazy Asshole Like My Son!! Motivate Yourself Off My Basement Couch. Get Up and Work! A Self-Published Guide to Finishing What You Start!

A tale that proves that truly anything can happen. Tapper triumphantly retreated to his bedroom and rewarded himself by getting back in bed. Hand in pants, heart full of purpose, the memory of progress he had made ringing in his head. So, so, so, SO inspiring.

Edit: Tapper’s former coworkers reached out after this article was published, to clarify that Tapper had a brief tryst with one of the servers, something she described as “beyond a regret. Like, a mega-regret.” This led him to quit, so as to avoid confrontation.