Top 5 Bugs I Think Could Pull Off a Tank Top

It’s tank season ladies, and it’s time to strut our stuff in the sun. However, because I’m inclusive as hell and have an awesome imagination, I thought: maybe we need to give bugs the limelight! After all, they’re the ones having the most outside time this summer. That being said, here are the top five bugs I think could rock a tank-top this summer.

5. Cockroach - If they showed off their arms a little more, they’d have a better reputation. Without tanktops, cockroaches are F-tier bugs, but put them in a posh-little-shoulder-reveal-moment, the aura is off the charts.

4. Carpenter Ant - When I think of the word, “carpenter,” I think of a tall man wearing a hard-hat and a wife-pleaser tank-top. The same goes for ants! While I don’t think a carpenter ant could pull off just any tank top, the idea of them in a white wife-pleaser is enough to move them into the #4 slot. To match this vibe, I think they should also tattoo their wife’s name on one of their six arms (bottom left specifically) and build me a pool for the summer! Wouldn’t that be great? A girl can dream.

3. Grasshopper - This just makes sense. Especially if you’re imagining the grasshopper in A Bug’s Life. Hot damn. Give that grassy guy a tank top and a cigarette to calm down and stop jumping around for a second! Sit! Stay.

2. Yellow Jacket - While these scary goddamn “bees” thrive in the winter (they wear yellow jackets, duh!), they need something to let their arms breathe! I’m just trying to help since literally no one else will. You’re welcome. Please don’t bite me. Back up!

1. Praying Mantis - The grand finale. The bug I’d like to see most in a freaking tank top. In fact I PRAY to MAN that I do! One, green goes with every color, and two… well… I don’t know! I’m tired of explaining myself! Just put on the damn tank top, Mantis!

That’s all for now! Stay tuned for next week when I rank the top five birds who can pull off a scarf! Spoiler alert: all of them!