Tax Evasion and Other New Kinks
A recent study conducted by the same scientists that brought you the online BDSM test has found that Americans across the gender spectrum are cumming less from the kinks that used to get them off. Slapping and choking is old news and society needs something new. The same scientists have released a list of 4 kinks, some new and some revamps of old classics, in hopes of getting America off again.
1) GROUP PLAY
A classic that’s fading to irrelevance. Yeah, it’s fun to bring another person into the bedroom, but scientists are suggesting a new twist. Bring group play into the real world. The study conducted suggests one reason that Americans aren’t cumming is because we feel lonelier than ever. The hypothesis is that developing a rich and plentiful social life will help make your sex life more fulfilling. You can’t find a third if you can’t first find a friend. So get out there and find one, or two, or three!
2) ROLEPLAY
We’ve all roleplayed, even if you think you haven’t. But we’ve also all come to the same conclusion, it’s gotten a little boring. Doctor, patient; Covid ruined that. Boss, employee; once got us laid but now we just think about getting laid off. The BDSM scientists have come up with brand-new combinations that you can try out as soon as tonight. Royalty, revolutionary; there’s nothing hotter than getting even. IRS agent, person who won’t file taxes; You can’t evade me anymore 😜. Last but not least, Post-apocalypse; we’re the only two people to survive the nuclear war, looks like we have to fuck!
3) STARTING A TIKTOK BUSINESS
This is the first of the nontraditional kinks scientists have suggested. One other reason Americans aren’t finishing is because we can’t finish a single month without hitting negative in our accounts. It’s hard to feel sexy when you know you are super broke. Not only would a TikTok business change your finances, scientists are suggesting that it can also change your bedroom life. You can’t start a business alone. You may find that seeing your partner being a girlboss/bossman/girlman showing off your product on live will make you want to get at their “product” offline.
4) BUGGING OUT
In a bold statement at the end of their report, scientists suggest the overall reason Americans aren’t cumming is American society. Shocking! This last kink on the list isn’t for the faint of heart. However, if you take the chance to commit to this lifestyle, scientists hypothesize that you will go from unsatisfied to finishing at one hundred times more than the average rate. In order to take full advantage of this possibility, it is suggested to pack up both survival and sex essentials and escape out to the middle of the deep woods and start anew.
If you try any of these kinks and find yourself at the finish line, researchers urge you to report your successes at www.imcumming!!!!!!!!!!.org to help them further their efforts to combat America’s newest sexdemic. They realize for those that commit to bugging out, computers may not be accessible. So to be inclusive, they also accept testimonials via carrier pigeons or messages in bottles.